Monday, June 12, 2006
Had a fuck'd up day today...Everything was not satisfying... Nothing turned out well for me... Sometimes..I just dont know why things just dont go to what i've wished for.. Shattered heart and memories just keeps haunting and daunting me..Over and Over... Sometimes i do feel like theres no point of me living anymore... But to think of it again..Whats the use of life..When theres no Obstacles, Challenges and Fear to overcome and undergo? I believe that behind every challenges and obstacles to undergo.. There lies a "hidden treasure" that'll bring happiness or benefits to someone....
Sometimes...I do wonder why i fall in love... Why im born to live this life... Why do i sometimes feel neglected in life... Why im always giving in... Why am i always avoiding a fight.. Why im always treated unjustly... And why my loved ones have never understand my feelings and the situations im in... Maybe i should be more outspoken and aggressive.. But i dun think that is the way for me.. Sometimes i feel that im fighting in a losing battle... Fighting for no apparent cause... Making me lose in the end... I just wonder why... Only my close buds and my blood bros understand how i feel and the situation im in..Even though u used to have heated arguments and disagreements, last time... But what i dont understand is...Why none of my loved ones seemed to understand my feelings n situations?? Why? Sacrifices done just to fulfill their needs and make them happy.. And yet... Is this what i get in return?? All types of nonsense and attitudes that shatters almost every heart of a human being, if they were to be in my place.... Sometimes i feel like saying "Fuck Care" and just walking off... Leaving em behind... But i cant.. I care for them.. I love them.. I cant afford to lose them... Especially her... I'd truly break their heart if i'd say that to their face, when they're still with me... But why cant they return that care and concern? That act of love and thankfullness? I've lost 3...Just because of their Fucking attitude.. I did'nt want to say this...But its the truth... You know... Sometimes i dont feel that i deserve anything and anyone.. Who am i? No one..Im no son of a millionaire... No rich kid..No cool dude.. Im no one..Just another kid in the block... None will ever understand me... And i doubt none will ever try... Try being in my place... Only then will u know how i truly feel...!
If only i could turn back time...I'd be most grateful... If only i could turn back time...I'd study hard for my PSLE and get better results...Instead of playing soccer after school till 6pm everyday, during exam periods... If only i could turn back time...I'd make sure everything i did went well and right...I'd avoid the mistakes i did in life...Make my loved ones happy...I'd chose the right one and treat them extra well... I'd study well from sec 1 till now... I'd study hard no matter how hard the subject is..I'd give my fullest attention to my studies and make me excel well...Im sure at least by now i'd be passing my mathematics and sciences well...How i wish i could do that... But i cant... Things have passed.. Left memories and regrets in me.... But what can i do now? Nothing... I realised that what i've did was a big mistake.. I know.. But.... Nevermind... I guess it doesnt matter to anyone.. So what if im in a dilemma or any hardships?? Fuck care! Fuck care! None gives a fucking shit about it... None will ever understand me... Anyway...Whats done is done... Just to continue running my life....
Anyway...I'd let things be as it is right now.. No use disturbing a sleeping lion and adding more oil to an already huge fire... It'll just make things worst.. So... I guess i'd just let things go its way... I' like to take this opportunity just to thank those who've been helping me out and being there for me in my troubled and sad times... I really appreciate it.. Especially to my blood bros and sis.. And lastly... For those whom i may own an apology in anyway... Im really realy sorry for whatever bad deeds i've done to u... May it be from frustration or just pure hate... May u guys refrain from making life long mistakes like what i've did...And live your life to the fullest......
// blogged at 9:03:00 PM
